In mid May I answered an ad on Facebook looking for comics willing to taste test an “Extremely Hot” Hot Sauce for a “Internaitionally known publication.” The compensation? “EXPOSURE”
So of course I said
“Sign Me Up”
The resultant video is linked below….
So here’s a few answers to some questions I wish people would ask me:
Did you get a free bottle?
No, that stuff costs 20 bucks, do you really think they’re gonna give that away?
Were the other people cool?
They seemed to be playing it pretty cool, but I think I took it much better in the video than they did… but really, I don’t know, I didn’t meet them, we came in one at a time at separate appointments, however the producer who shot it was extremely cool, especially considering I was about an hour late – I’m new to NYC I didn’t plan properly, don’t judge.
Where can I get some to try myself?
I have no idea, maybe the UK, cause it was shot for the UK version of the Daily Mail.
or try the CaJohn’s website.
Can you tell us the whole story of what it was like?
I’d be delighted…
I scheduled my time for an afternoon when I was working from home so I’d be able to slip over to Manahattan for the shoot. I live in Queens and calculated it to be about a 35 minute trip… unfortunately, I forgot I needed to move my car by 11pm in order to allow the street cleaner monster to come through – yes it’s weird to have a car in NYC, but we just moved here and my steady “real job” is in Long Island and I have to drive there 3 to 4 times a week so we still need a car, don’t judge – So anyways…
I’m just on my way out the door when I remember I have to move the car so I quickly drive around the block and luckily find a spot right near the Subway stop I was going to anyways. Hoooray!
I arrive to the big fancy building and have to check in and get a security pass…
The way securtiy passes work at this particular fancy building is there is a bar code the knows what floor you need to go to, and when you scan it, it tells you which specific elevator to get on that will go to that floor only… I didn’t grasp this concept so I had to scan through twice… no biggie.
When I reach the floor where the Daily Mail is based i checked in at the desk and awaited my contact to escort me to the shoot.
I soon found myself in a small studio with all the lighting and camera’s you’d expect. along with a stool and a table arranged with a plate of bread and the mythic bottle of CaJohns “Black Mamba 6 Get Bitten Hot Sauce” I was asked my milk preference to which I requested skim… but for the record, Soy and Almond were also options.
Once I was set up we got started.
Now, i don’t know what others did, but I started by sampling a small amount on a piece of bread…
This immediately filled my pallette but allowed me to appreciate some of the finer notes of the sauce, and I must say, it really does have a nice smoky flavor.
Once I’d recovered from that sample, I was asked to try a full spoon fill and let it sit on my tongue for a while. This can be seen in the video.
Beyond that, it was a pretty chill shoot that just felt like hanging out. The producer had a few leading questions for me, with none of my answers making the cut, but it was fun.
I threw out some ad libs, that I wish had gotten in like an observation that the sauce had the same consistency of blood when subject to black mamba venom (I get why they wouldn’t put that in but it was still a good observation)…
and then a few bits I’m glad didn’t make the cut: like when I unwittingly wiped my nose with a napkin and then immediately wiped my mouth – it’s common move and I didn’t get snot in my mouth… don’t judge…
So that was the shoot…. here’s a screencap from it that seems to be in need of a “Florida Man” headline:
Once we wrapped I was shown the way out and headed home. returning to my pass to the front desk… but once i got a block away, I realized I was still wearing the mic pack, so i turned around, retrieved my pass and went back up to return it.
This was also a lucky turn, cause It gave me a second chance to take this selfie:
At this point I still felt ok… I was craving some ice cream, but felt fine, so I dropped off the mic pack and proceeded to leave again.
Went back down the elevator, returned the pass again, and continued home…
once again at the end of the block. I felt compelled to turn around because my ‘lil tummy was definitly not feeling up to a 45 minute train ride and I didn’t want to break my “Crapping in an alley cherry” just yet.
So I hustled back into the building and asked the security about a bathroom. He responded, “there’s one on the floor you were just on” and handed me back the pass again.
When I got back up there I had to talk to the Receptionist again to ask where the bathroom was and she buzzed me in to use it….
And then, as I said in the video…. the real fun of hot sauce began.
I felt pretty bad. The burning sensation that had engulfed my mouth was now coating my entire stomach lining and I felt like my insides were going to explode. I thought for certain I’d launch right off the toilet any second, but suddenly I realized, it wasn’t going to make a one way trip. That hot sauce, the bread I ate with it and all the milk I drank, was going to take it’s cue from my own travels that hour and head out the exact way it came in.
So now I’m puking in the bathroom of the Daily Mail and hoping nobody notices… but also hoping someone notices, so maybe we could get that into the video….
oh, BTW did I mention that in the video shoot room, there was also a trashcan in case we needed to upchuck.
So anyways, while going through this level of hot sauce magic, I snapped this selfie
Eventually it did all run it’s course… I’d say after about 15 minutes, which should clock my time at the Daily Mail HQ at about an hour.
30 minutes shooting
15 minutes in the bathroom
15 minutes traveling into and out of the building and up and down on the elevator.
And all this was done for what?
Am I sorry, nope, not at all. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, but next time, I might try eating something first. It is definitely not a good idea to sample super hot hot sauce on an empty stomach.